Ah, Christiano Ronaldo. Say whatever you like about him...
Go on...
See, it's hard isn't it?
It seems there just isn't much love for Christiano - beyond his own narcissism of course.
But as the saying goes, you have to give love to get loved, and Ronaldo is basically a dislikable and petulant little turd, and especially when things don't go his way.
The other thing to note about Ronaldo, is that his exploits on the international stage have rarely matched the standards that he sets at club level. It seems that there are two Ronnies.
Now, this is an accusation that has been made against many players - England's John Barnes, being a case in point. But because "Digger" was well-liked, even by opposition fans, there was genuine disappointment that Barnes was unable to take the silky skills he displayed for Watford and Liverpool to the world stage. To some extent, he was forgiven.
Not so for Ronaldo. By continually making himself unloveable, Rotten Ronnie is destined for ridicule when he, or his team, fails.
So, as Portugal bow out, it's goodnight from me, and it's goodnight from him.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Day 18: Fake Dutch Masters
Han van Meegeren was a Dutch painter who produced near-perfect forgeries in the style of Vermeer and other artists of the Golden Age. He is something of a folk-hero in The Netherlands for duping Hermann Göring, and today there is a legitimate market for his works and well-respected galleries often hold van Meegeren exhibitions shamelessly displaying his counterfeits.
Ironically though, a lucrative career can now also be made from forging his works, as some people are foolish enough to buy them.
"Well, thanks for the history lesson," I hear you say, "but this is meant to be a football blog".
Let me continue...
The "Golden Age" of Dutch football came in the 1970s. During this period the national side, managed by Rinus Michels and led by Johan Cruyyf, played what became known as "Total Football", and received much acclaim for the style of their play. Unfortunately though they narrowly missed taking out the World Cup in two successive tournaments, but nonetheless subsequent Dutch teams have had to try and live up to the legacy of the "Clockwork Orange".
Much like Brazil, who live in the shadows of 1970, the Dutch teams since '78 have been burdened with the expectation to deliver the football of their predeccessors.
They did win Euro '88 with Michels back in the manager's seat, but the comparisons with Total Football, while inevitable, were unjustified - it was just a good copy, and the victory was largely thanks to the individual brilliance of Gullit, van Basten and Koeman.
But this 2010 team is a long-way short ... Indeed you can clearly see the wrist-watches. Fake! Fake! Fake! Some people will buy it, but not me. Simply having three strikers does not mean you are playing Total Football. Otherwise we'd be singing the praises of New Zealand.
Instead, much like a van Meegeren forgery, Total Football is now best displayed by those who have copied the concept, or even those who have copied them.
Michels took it to Barcelona and Cruyff spent time there as a player and as a manager. Diego Maradonna also played at Barca, and Lionel Messi is on their books now.
Little suprise then that Spain and Argentina are so good to watch.
Ironically though, a lucrative career can now also be made from forging his works, as some people are foolish enough to buy them.
"Well, thanks for the history lesson," I hear you say, "but this is meant to be a football blog".
Let me continue...
The "Golden Age" of Dutch football came in the 1970s. During this period the national side, managed by Rinus Michels and led by Johan Cruyyf, played what became known as "Total Football", and received much acclaim for the style of their play. Unfortunately though they narrowly missed taking out the World Cup in two successive tournaments, but nonetheless subsequent Dutch teams have had to try and live up to the legacy of the "Clockwork Orange".
Much like Brazil, who live in the shadows of 1970, the Dutch teams since '78 have been burdened with the expectation to deliver the football of their predeccessors.
They did win Euro '88 with Michels back in the manager's seat, but the comparisons with Total Football, while inevitable, were unjustified - it was just a good copy, and the victory was largely thanks to the individual brilliance of Gullit, van Basten and Koeman.
But this 2010 team is a long-way short ... Indeed you can clearly see the wrist-watches. Fake! Fake! Fake! Some people will buy it, but not me. Simply having three strikers does not mean you are playing Total Football. Otherwise we'd be singing the praises of New Zealand.
Instead, much like a van Meegeren forgery, Total Football is now best displayed by those who have copied the concept, or even those who have copied them.
Michels took it to Barcelona and Cruyff spent time there as a player and as a manager. Diego Maradonna also played at Barca, and Lionel Messi is on their books now.
Little suprise then that Spain and Argentina are so good to watch.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Day 17: Video Killed The Daily Star
After the 1966 World Cup, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II presented Soviet linesman Tofig Bahramov with "the golden whistle" for bravely allowing Geoff Hurst's goal to stand despite the vitriolic spray he copped from the German defenders.
Uruguayan referee Jorge Larrionda and his linesman are perhaps in the running for the "the golden retriever" after failing to notice that a Frank Lampard shot had bounced a full two feet behind the goal line during last night's England-Germany clash.
Just hours later, Carlos Tevez scored against Mexico after being in an offside position. Somewhat unwisely, the producer in charge of the in-stadium broadcast allowed the replays to be aired on the big screen and showed the Mexican players just how badly they had been ripped off. But this had to be disregarded by the referee - which of course settled things down just beautifully.
Predictably, the calls have come for the use of technology to avoid these types of errors being allowed to stand. Sepp Blatter remains resolute of course, arguing that the human element is part of the game. And for once, I agree with the balding Swiss dwarf.
The introduction of technology in cricket has done nothing aside from allowing players to ignore the fundamental principle of the game - that the umpire's decision is final. In tennis it has simply given those preening spoilt brats and prissy-pants even more opportunity to display their childishness and, whatsmore, it justifies it!
And what about the breaks in play while the fourth official reviews every incident? It has been 44 years since Hurst's goal, and still people disagree about whether it was legitimate. You can't delay a game for nearly four-and-a-half decades!
The wrong calls of the past have become part of the fabric of the game - part of the essence of the World Cup itself. They have provided an inexhaustable wealth of material for journalists to call on and for casual pundits at the pub to debate.
In time, Lampard's "goal" will become just another historical talking point.
And anyway, what are people on about? Sepp Blatter has embraced technology. Look! http://twitter.com/seppblatter
Uruguayan referee Jorge Larrionda and his linesman are perhaps in the running for the "the golden retriever" after failing to notice that a Frank Lampard shot had bounced a full two feet behind the goal line during last night's England-Germany clash.
Just hours later, Carlos Tevez scored against Mexico after being in an offside position. Somewhat unwisely, the producer in charge of the in-stadium broadcast allowed the replays to be aired on the big screen and showed the Mexican players just how badly they had been ripped off. But this had to be disregarded by the referee - which of course settled things down just beautifully.
Predictably, the calls have come for the use of technology to avoid these types of errors being allowed to stand. Sepp Blatter remains resolute of course, arguing that the human element is part of the game. And for once, I agree with the balding Swiss dwarf.
The introduction of technology in cricket has done nothing aside from allowing players to ignore the fundamental principle of the game - that the umpire's decision is final. In tennis it has simply given those preening spoilt brats and prissy-pants even more opportunity to display their childishness and, whatsmore, it justifies it!
And what about the breaks in play while the fourth official reviews every incident? It has been 44 years since Hurst's goal, and still people disagree about whether it was legitimate. You can't delay a game for nearly four-and-a-half decades!
The wrong calls of the past have become part of the fabric of the game - part of the essence of the World Cup itself. They have provided an inexhaustable wealth of material for journalists to call on and for casual pundits at the pub to debate.
In time, Lampard's "goal" will become just another historical talking point.
And anyway, what are people on about? Sepp Blatter has embraced technology. Look! http://twitter.com/seppblatter
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Day 16: Satisfaction (I Can't Get No)
You see some funny things in football. Things like Ghana's red and yellow kit, or things like the USA getting eliminated, but the thing that made me chuckle most from last night's game was to see Bill Clinton sitting in the stands alongside Mick Jagger...
Clearly Bill was there supporting Team USA, and Mick is a well-known football fan, but who decided that they should be seated together?
Obviously someone with a sense of fun saw the connection between Bill and Mick.
Clearly Bill was there supporting Team USA, and Mick is a well-known football fan, but who decided that they should be seated together?
Obviously someone with a sense of fun saw the connection between Bill and Mick.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Day 13: Advance Australia Where?
So, that's it. A bugger really, but it turned out better than it looked like it might at the start. Pride has been restored. The impressive win over Serbia, following the gallant effort against Ghana has repaired much of the damage caused by the humiliation in the opening match. But despite that, we are heading home and the next era of Australian footballs begins.
It is a time to reflect, and a time to look forward...
The Reign of Pim
After the mess of the '07 Asian Cup the FFA needed to ensure qualification for South Africa. They knew that despite the initial success of the A-League, the gains made from the Germany '06 campaign would be squandered unless the national team was on the world stage again in 2010. The majority of the squad from '06 would still be around, so a rebuilding was not required. They just needed someone who could get the results. Initially they lured Dick Advocaat, but although his late withdrawal left a nasty taste in the mouth of the FFA they opted for another Dutchman, Pim Verbeek.
Put simply, Pim did the job he was employed to do. He was criticised for his formation, his gameplan and the lack of flair in our play, but he received little praise for successfully navigating us through our first Asian qualifying campaign. He got into hot water when he described Archie Thompson and Danny Allsop as "absolutely hopeless" and bemoaned the poor standard of the A-League - a view which was proven correct when a Socceroos outfit made of A-League players was embarrassed by Kuwait in an AFC qualifier in Canberra - but again he got no acknowledgement for the work he did with several A-League coaches while in charge of the national team.
He also displayed that he is a man of his word. When challenged by TV-pundit Simon Hill about not singing the national anthem, he vowed to learn the words if qualification was acheived. He kept his promise, and even took up Hill's challenge to sing it to the nation. The result was two of the best minutes of Australian television ever put to air.
He also successfully secured qualification to the Asian Cup in 2011 - often with a "second-string" team - an important factor which will be discussed more later...
At the finals he made one tactical error, but unfortunately it was a complete fuck-up and it cost us a place in the Round of 16. In the opening game, knowing that victory was unlikely and that the more important games were to come, his plan was to soak up the German pressure, and then try to nick a result by using the pinch-hitters he had saved on the bench. Clearly conceding a goal in the 8th minute, and having Cahill dismissed by on over-zealous referee were not part of that plan, but it seemed that playing a poorly executed offside trap was. To his credit he did not lay blame on his players though, and was humble enough to take total responsibility. Professional to the end.
Good luck Pim.
The Future?
The Asian Cup is only seven months away, and its importance should not be underestimated. Winning the title will see us compete in the 2013 Confederations Cup in Brazil. As we found during qualifying campaigns in '93, '01 and '05, South America is a whole new ball game, and any opportunity to play meaningful games in the cities and stadiums that will host the finals the following year must be pursued.
The FFA must put every possible resource into the tournament. The '07 campaign was a disaster as much for the off-field penny-pinching as it was for the sub-par performances from the players. The mistakes of poor preparation and care-taker management can not be repeated.
The first step clearly is the appointment of a replacement for Pim, and quite a few names have already been rumoured.
Some, such as Ossie Ardilles or Ricki Herbert, are just fanciful and ridiculous while others such as Sven Goran Erikkson or Paul Le Guen would be a terrible mistake given their recent track records. The suspicion is that the preference for Dutch influence will be continued, putting Leo Beenhakker, Marco van Basten or Frank Rijkaard in the picture. Johan Neeskens would probably tell Ben Buckley to get fucked given his treatment by the FFA when Hiddink departed, so he can probably be ruled out. Carlos Alberto Parreira is also a candidate for his South American and Asian experience.
If it were my money I'd opt for Rijkaard. It is his groundwork that Barcelona are now flourishing on, and he'd be ideal to take an established but aging squad into a major tournament, and then gradually inject some youth (and style!) in the lead up to 2014. Of course, he will be difficult (ie. expensive) to tease away from Galatasaray, but with a contract of $6M allegedly on offer then anything is possible.
And as for the players? Well, while many of the current squad may not be around in four years, now is not the time for them to all step aside. Schwarzer and Chipperfield should be encouraged to stay on at least till next January, and others should be phased out if and only when their logical replacement becomes apparent - and for some positions this may not occur until after 2014. In fact the only member of this squad who should be left out of considerations for the Asian Cup is Craig Moore, with the first job of the new manager being to sort out which combination of Neill, Milligan and Beauchamp is most reliable.
However there are two senior players who have question marks over them after their performances in recent times. Vinnie Grella and Jason Culina.
Grella is slowly but surely turning into Kevin Muscat, and with Jedinak and Valeri emerging as genuine talents then he is on shaky ground.
Culina was poor in South Africa, and his gripe seemed to be that he was played out of position. Well Jason, this ain't the A-League - it's the national team, and if you're playing under a Dutch manager, then putting in the type of shite you delivered over the past two weeks simply because you aren't versatile enough to adapt to a position on the flank will end your international career pretty damn quickly.
The only other change needed is in the leadership. Lucas Neill has served the team well, but he probably wont last until 2014. Also, the bleating and whining displayed by the team, and the apparent perception that "the ref's are out to get us" is perhaps subconsciously linked to his foul on Fabian Grosso against Italy four years ago. The leading candidate should be Luke Wilkshire. He was a standout throughout the recent campaign, and was one of the few who did not drop their head in the rout by Germany. He'd be ready to take over now, and perhaps there is no coincidence that he did some relatively high-profile media/charity work while in Africa.
Roll on January!
It is a time to reflect, and a time to look forward...
The Reign of Pim
After the mess of the '07 Asian Cup the FFA needed to ensure qualification for South Africa. They knew that despite the initial success of the A-League, the gains made from the Germany '06 campaign would be squandered unless the national team was on the world stage again in 2010. The majority of the squad from '06 would still be around, so a rebuilding was not required. They just needed someone who could get the results. Initially they lured Dick Advocaat, but although his late withdrawal left a nasty taste in the mouth of the FFA they opted for another Dutchman, Pim Verbeek.
Put simply, Pim did the job he was employed to do. He was criticised for his formation, his gameplan and the lack of flair in our play, but he received little praise for successfully navigating us through our first Asian qualifying campaign. He got into hot water when he described Archie Thompson and Danny Allsop as "absolutely hopeless" and bemoaned the poor standard of the A-League - a view which was proven correct when a Socceroos outfit made of A-League players was embarrassed by Kuwait in an AFC qualifier in Canberra - but again he got no acknowledgement for the work he did with several A-League coaches while in charge of the national team.
He also displayed that he is a man of his word. When challenged by TV-pundit Simon Hill about not singing the national anthem, he vowed to learn the words if qualification was acheived. He kept his promise, and even took up Hill's challenge to sing it to the nation. The result was two of the best minutes of Australian television ever put to air.
He also successfully secured qualification to the Asian Cup in 2011 - often with a "second-string" team - an important factor which will be discussed more later...
At the finals he made one tactical error, but unfortunately it was a complete fuck-up and it cost us a place in the Round of 16. In the opening game, knowing that victory was unlikely and that the more important games were to come, his plan was to soak up the German pressure, and then try to nick a result by using the pinch-hitters he had saved on the bench. Clearly conceding a goal in the 8th minute, and having Cahill dismissed by on over-zealous referee were not part of that plan, but it seemed that playing a poorly executed offside trap was. To his credit he did not lay blame on his players though, and was humble enough to take total responsibility. Professional to the end.
Good luck Pim.
The Future?
The Asian Cup is only seven months away, and its importance should not be underestimated. Winning the title will see us compete in the 2013 Confederations Cup in Brazil. As we found during qualifying campaigns in '93, '01 and '05, South America is a whole new ball game, and any opportunity to play meaningful games in the cities and stadiums that will host the finals the following year must be pursued.
The FFA must put every possible resource into the tournament. The '07 campaign was a disaster as much for the off-field penny-pinching as it was for the sub-par performances from the players. The mistakes of poor preparation and care-taker management can not be repeated.
The first step clearly is the appointment of a replacement for Pim, and quite a few names have already been rumoured.
Some, such as Ossie Ardilles or Ricki Herbert, are just fanciful and ridiculous while others such as Sven Goran Erikkson or Paul Le Guen would be a terrible mistake given their recent track records. The suspicion is that the preference for Dutch influence will be continued, putting Leo Beenhakker, Marco van Basten or Frank Rijkaard in the picture. Johan Neeskens would probably tell Ben Buckley to get fucked given his treatment by the FFA when Hiddink departed, so he can probably be ruled out. Carlos Alberto Parreira is also a candidate for his South American and Asian experience.
If it were my money I'd opt for Rijkaard. It is his groundwork that Barcelona are now flourishing on, and he'd be ideal to take an established but aging squad into a major tournament, and then gradually inject some youth (and style!) in the lead up to 2014. Of course, he will be difficult (ie. expensive) to tease away from Galatasaray, but with a contract of $6M allegedly on offer then anything is possible.
And as for the players? Well, while many of the current squad may not be around in four years, now is not the time for them to all step aside. Schwarzer and Chipperfield should be encouraged to stay on at least till next January, and others should be phased out if and only when their logical replacement becomes apparent - and for some positions this may not occur until after 2014. In fact the only member of this squad who should be left out of considerations for the Asian Cup is Craig Moore, with the first job of the new manager being to sort out which combination of Neill, Milligan and Beauchamp is most reliable.
However there are two senior players who have question marks over them after their performances in recent times. Vinnie Grella and Jason Culina.
Grella is slowly but surely turning into Kevin Muscat, and with Jedinak and Valeri emerging as genuine talents then he is on shaky ground.
Culina was poor in South Africa, and his gripe seemed to be that he was played out of position. Well Jason, this ain't the A-League - it's the national team, and if you're playing under a Dutch manager, then putting in the type of shite you delivered over the past two weeks simply because you aren't versatile enough to adapt to a position on the flank will end your international career pretty damn quickly.
The only other change needed is in the leadership. Lucas Neill has served the team well, but he probably wont last until 2014. Also, the bleating and whining displayed by the team, and the apparent perception that "the ref's are out to get us" is perhaps subconsciously linked to his foul on Fabian Grosso against Italy four years ago. The leading candidate should be Luke Wilkshire. He was a standout throughout the recent campaign, and was one of the few who did not drop their head in the rout by Germany. He'd be ready to take over now, and perhaps there is no coincidence that he did some relatively high-profile media/charity work while in Africa.
Roll on January!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Day 12: Original Sin
"Messi will play, because he always wants to play and I love that. We had been thinking of giving him a rest but to have a player of the class of Leo, the best in the world by a long way without doubt, it would have been a sin not to give him to the team, to the people, not to give ourselves the pleasure."
And with these words, Diego Maradonna became not only my favourite ever player, but also my favourite manager.
With his team all but assured of topping the group with a game to spare, Maradonna once again showed he is cut from a different cloth by choosing not to rest his dazzling prodigy for what was effectively a meaningless fixture. While other managers would have left their star-man on the bench, fearing injury or a sending-off, Diego did not want to deny the world from seeing his exquisite skills. And for that we should be thankful.
And afterall, Maradonna has nothing to lose. Everything that could possibly be written or said about Diego the player, Diego the manager or Diego the man already has been. In his prime he was snorting drugs, fathering children the world over, shooting journalists and pissing off the English, and yet he still scored some of the most exsquisite goals ever seen. Now, somewhat more portly (if that is even possible) and resplendent in greyish beard, he has already exceeded the predictions of his detractors by guiding Argentina to the finals, and now topping the group.
If he can guide them all the way to the trophy, with Messi playing every minute and, as it currently stands, having a hand in every goal then we will all be richer for it.
Viva Maradonna! Viva Messi!
And with these words, Diego Maradonna became not only my favourite ever player, but also my favourite manager.
With his team all but assured of topping the group with a game to spare, Maradonna once again showed he is cut from a different cloth by choosing not to rest his dazzling prodigy for what was effectively a meaningless fixture. While other managers would have left their star-man on the bench, fearing injury or a sending-off, Diego did not want to deny the world from seeing his exquisite skills. And for that we should be thankful.
And afterall, Maradonna has nothing to lose. Everything that could possibly be written or said about Diego the player, Diego the manager or Diego the man already has been. In his prime he was snorting drugs, fathering children the world over, shooting journalists and pissing off the English, and yet he still scored some of the most exsquisite goals ever seen. Now, somewhat more portly (if that is even possible) and resplendent in greyish beard, he has already exceeded the predictions of his detractors by guiding Argentina to the finals, and now topping the group.
If he can guide them all the way to the trophy, with Messi playing every minute and, as it currently stands, having a hand in every goal then we will all be richer for it.
Viva Maradonna! Viva Messi!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Day 11: This Is An Anthem
One of my favourite things about a World Cup is that it provides an opportunity to hear the national anthems of the competing nations. Some are old favourites, such as La Marseillaise or Fratelli d'Italia, others like Brazil or Uruguay seem to be the work of crazed brass-band leaders who got three-quarters through the piece before they realised they had forgotten to pen any words. Others are amusing, such as God Defend New Zealand (from what?), and some, like the Netherlands' just suck.
But having watched virtually every minute of every World Cup since Italia '90, I have pretty much heard them all, so it was with baited breath that I awaited the anthem of the PDR Korea. But it was disappointing to find that like communist regimes of yesteryear, they have resorted to resonant trumpets, clanging cymbals and male choirs 10,000 strong. Boring!
Now, given they are one of the last outposts of Stalinist Communism, I commend their sense of loyalty to the age-old tools of the Soviets, but surely for a nation who have expressed some desire for closer engagement with the west, they need a re-think when it comes to the anthem they use at major global events such as the World Cup.
Now, I understand that those in the Department of Agitation and Propoganda are no doubt very busy people - what, with all those giant floral displays and gymnastic demonstrations to organise - so below is my gift to the good people of the PDRK. I just hope that this blog makes it through their internet filter in time for them to learn these words before their next game.
And I should note that while I can't actually write music I'm very pleased to say that Horovitz, Rubin and Yauch have agreed to waive all royalties for the use of their timeless classic "Fight For Your Right to Party" to accompany my words...
Kick it!
We signed an agreement of mutual non-aggression,
But we still get accussed of ideological oppresion.
Our ultimate goal is re-unification,
Well, that’s what we’re telling the United Nations!
You gotta fight, for your righteous party!
The Yanks caught us testing and they said, No way!
But those hypocrites test ten bombs a day.
Living in the west would be such a drag,
We’re happy in Pyong-Yang with our communist flag.
You gotta fight, for your righteous party!
You seem to have trouble with our hyphenated names.
And you find it amusing when we stage mass games.
And you say we should be able to express free will,
Aw, man you're just jealous we’ve got KIM JONG-IL!
But having watched virtually every minute of every World Cup since Italia '90, I have pretty much heard them all, so it was with baited breath that I awaited the anthem of the PDR Korea. But it was disappointing to find that like communist regimes of yesteryear, they have resorted to resonant trumpets, clanging cymbals and male choirs 10,000 strong. Boring!
Now, given they are one of the last outposts of Stalinist Communism, I commend their sense of loyalty to the age-old tools of the Soviets, but surely for a nation who have expressed some desire for closer engagement with the west, they need a re-think when it comes to the anthem they use at major global events such as the World Cup.
Now, I understand that those in the Department of Agitation and Propoganda are no doubt very busy people - what, with all those giant floral displays and gymnastic demonstrations to organise - so below is my gift to the good people of the PDRK. I just hope that this blog makes it through their internet filter in time for them to learn these words before their next game.
And I should note that while I can't actually write music I'm very pleased to say that Horovitz, Rubin and Yauch have agreed to waive all royalties for the use of their timeless classic "Fight For Your Right to Party" to accompany my words...
Kick it!
We signed an agreement of mutual non-aggression,
But we still get accussed of ideological oppresion.
Our ultimate goal is re-unification,
Well, that’s what we’re telling the United Nations!
You gotta fight, for your righteous party!
The Yanks caught us testing and they said, No way!
But those hypocrites test ten bombs a day.
Living in the west would be such a drag,
We’re happy in Pyong-Yang with our communist flag.
You gotta fight, for your righteous party!
You seem to have trouble with our hyphenated names.
And you find it amusing when we stage mass games.
And you say we should be able to express free will,
Aw, man you're just jealous we’ve got KIM JONG-IL!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Day 10: Smeltz Like Team Spirit
Nicolas Anelka's exit from the World Cup for expressing his dismay with his half-time substition against Mexico has lifted the lid on the festering infighting that has existed in the French camp since Domenech took charge. England also have problems with John Terry hosting an early Festivus so he could air some grievances. Rumours were also circulating that the Australian squad was divided, although that line seems to have been dropped by the media now, who are opting for the more plausible "anti-Australian FIFA conspiracy" angle instead.
New Zealand in contrast, have displayed an "all-for-one, and one-for-all" attitude and have been rewarded with gallant draws against Slovakia and now Italy.
But it hasn't been pretty to watch. The Ricky Herbert gameplan of hoofing 60m balls upfield to your forwards is testament to a nation that boasts just 25 professional players. Their defence would give a pine plantation a good run in a lumbering contest, and as for Rory Fallon - the bloke has more elbows than a packet of pasta.
Yet, while other sides have been panned for failing to deliver atractive play, the Kiwis have provided a sense of romance to the tournament that has otherwise been lacking, and are fast becomimg the darlings of the cup.
But let's be honest, while a champion team will beat a team of champions, a bunch of part-time toilers only have team spirit to work with.
New Zealand in contrast, have displayed an "all-for-one, and one-for-all" attitude and have been rewarded with gallant draws against Slovakia and now Italy.
But it hasn't been pretty to watch. The Ricky Herbert gameplan of hoofing 60m balls upfield to your forwards is testament to a nation that boasts just 25 professional players. Their defence would give a pine plantation a good run in a lumbering contest, and as for Rory Fallon - the bloke has more elbows than a packet of pasta.
Yet, while other sides have been panned for failing to deliver atractive play, the Kiwis have provided a sense of romance to the tournament that has otherwise been lacking, and are fast becomimg the darlings of the cup.
But let's be honest, while a champion team will beat a team of champions, a bunch of part-time toilers only have team spirit to work with.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Day 9: FIFA Conspiracy #2716
Well, with the sendings off of Cahill and now Kewell, there is absoultely no doubt that there must be a FIFA conspiracy against the Socceroos.
And why not? There is a theory that suggests that a nation has truly embraced the game only when its people feel cheated by FIFA. Without a home-grown conspiracy theory, we would be in the paranoid's equivalent of the Oceania confederation.
To prove this point I started writing an A-Z list of countries that FIFA have conspired against. It had everything... The Algerians getting screwed in '82 by colluding sauerkraut-eaters... Brazil's mysterious demise in the '98 final to foster multicultural harmony in France... India being asked to wear boots in the '56 Olympics... Mexico's ban from '90 preliminary games to ensure USA qualification, and so on...
I won't post the list in full, because really it is too long.
Well, it would be if I finished it...
Besides, I got stuck at X.
As there is no FIFA-recognised state that begins with X, I had to look to club level for inspiration.
The only team I could think of was Neuchatel Xamax. But they are a Swiss club. And surely, given the head office of FIFA is situated in Zurich, any club from Switzerland would be exempt from interference by football's controlling body.
But no! And coincidentally the conspiracy involved an Australian player...
In January 2006 Xamax was involved in a dispute with Leeds United Football Club after the sale of Australian Joel Griffiths. Leeds approached football's governing body after Xamax refused to sign the international release for Griffiths despite having agreed to sell the midfielder.
FIFA found in Leeds' favour and General Secretary Urs Linsi signed off the international transfer certificate.
Proof that FIFA hates everyone...
And why not? There is a theory that suggests that a nation has truly embraced the game only when its people feel cheated by FIFA. Without a home-grown conspiracy theory, we would be in the paranoid's equivalent of the Oceania confederation.
To prove this point I started writing an A-Z list of countries that FIFA have conspired against. It had everything... The Algerians getting screwed in '82 by colluding sauerkraut-eaters... Brazil's mysterious demise in the '98 final to foster multicultural harmony in France... India being asked to wear boots in the '56 Olympics... Mexico's ban from '90 preliminary games to ensure USA qualification, and so on...
I won't post the list in full, because really it is too long.
Well, it would be if I finished it...
Besides, I got stuck at X.
As there is no FIFA-recognised state that begins with X, I had to look to club level for inspiration.
The only team I could think of was Neuchatel Xamax. But they are a Swiss club. And surely, given the head office of FIFA is situated in Zurich, any club from Switzerland would be exempt from interference by football's controlling body.
But no! And coincidentally the conspiracy involved an Australian player...
In January 2006 Xamax was involved in a dispute with Leeds United Football Club after the sale of Australian Joel Griffiths. Leeds approached football's governing body after Xamax refused to sign the international release for Griffiths despite having agreed to sell the midfielder.
FIFA found in Leeds' favour and General Secretary Urs Linsi signed off the international transfer certificate.
Proof that FIFA hates everyone...
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Day 8: I'm So Bored With The USA
Twenty years ago, the USA qualified for their first World Cup since 1950. They were hopelessly outclassed, but their qualification was a fortunate thing for FIFA, who had already awarded hosting rights for the '94 competition to the Americans.
Since that time, aside from the freakish 2002 tournament, the highlights for the USA have been a lumbering ginger defender with a goatee, an own goal with a tragic aftermath, a fractured cheek and a bloodied nose to two of their "star" players and a rare act of US diplomacy where they allowed Iran take all three points from their '98 clash.
Last night's 2-2 draw with the mighty Slovenia is undoubtedly right up there...
So, in short, they have done little to repay the faith that FIFA has shown in them. So why all the propoganda about the rise and rise of US soccer?
I searched the internet to find out. Specifically, wiki.answers.com - given it is monopolised by Americans. Americans who clearly have a rich understanding of the game...
Q. What is the growth of US soccer?
A. At least 880 since 1908.
Q. What is the history of soccer in the US?
A. The history of us soccer is fairly bad. We have not won a championship but we have good players.
Q. In the US why dont they call football soccer and soccer football?
A. Because people are stubborn, and we have to accept that.
Q. Who funds the us soccer team?
A. Your mum or the government.
Q. Why is soccer not so popular in the US?
A. Soccer is not popular in America, because there is no tradition of the sport in the counry. For generations American football, baseball, basketball and hockey have been traditional FATHER AND SON activities. People tend to follow tradition.
Q. Where did soccer come from?
A. Soccer oringinally came from the Netherlands. There they called it foot ball. When they had introduced this to other countries we had already had our sport "football" so we had to come up with a new name for it. So, if you enjoy soccer thank the people in the Netherlands.
Q. How many points for a win in soccer?
A. You need more than the other team. Or you will never win a match.
Q. How do you get good in soccer?
A. In soccer you must be very good at running and endurance, I run a couple miles and I am able to keep up with average kids. Also you must have very good ball control, kick the ball around often. You must be able to kick the ball far so go to a park and kick over and over. If you are a goal keeper you should have a net, or use your garage, and practice with a friend.
1.Tell the friend to go easy on you
2.then go harder on you
3.and harder
4.etc
These are genuine answers. I kid you not!
Since that time, aside from the freakish 2002 tournament, the highlights for the USA have been a lumbering ginger defender with a goatee, an own goal with a tragic aftermath, a fractured cheek and a bloodied nose to two of their "star" players and a rare act of US diplomacy where they allowed Iran take all three points from their '98 clash.
Last night's 2-2 draw with the mighty Slovenia is undoubtedly right up there...
So, in short, they have done little to repay the faith that FIFA has shown in them. So why all the propoganda about the rise and rise of US soccer?
I searched the internet to find out. Specifically, wiki.answers.com - given it is monopolised by Americans. Americans who clearly have a rich understanding of the game...
Q. What is the growth of US soccer?
A. At least 880 since 1908.
Q. What is the history of soccer in the US?
A. The history of us soccer is fairly bad. We have not won a championship but we have good players.
Q. In the US why dont they call football soccer and soccer football?
A. Because people are stubborn, and we have to accept that.
Q. Who funds the us soccer team?
A. Your mum or the government.
Q. Why is soccer not so popular in the US?
A. Soccer is not popular in America, because there is no tradition of the sport in the counry. For generations American football, baseball, basketball and hockey have been traditional FATHER AND SON activities. People tend to follow tradition.
Q. Where did soccer come from?
A. Soccer oringinally came from the Netherlands. There they called it foot ball. When they had introduced this to other countries we had already had our sport "football" so we had to come up with a new name for it. So, if you enjoy soccer thank the people in the Netherlands.
Q. How many points for a win in soccer?
A. You need more than the other team. Or you will never win a match.
Q. How do you get good in soccer?
A. In soccer you must be very good at running and endurance, I run a couple miles and I am able to keep up with average kids. Also you must have very good ball control, kick the ball around often. You must be able to kick the ball far so go to a park and kick over and over. If you are a goal keeper you should have a net, or use your garage, and practice with a friend.
1.Tell the friend to go easy on you
2.then go harder on you
3.and harder
4.etc
These are genuine answers. I kid you not!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Day 7: Almost Instant Kharma
What goes around, comes around.
Wise words indeed.
I have some Irish heritage.
I have no Mexican ties whatsoever, but their their 2-0 win while Henry sat on the pine was almost good enough.
Wise words indeed.
I have some Irish heritage.
I have no Mexican ties whatsoever, but their their 2-0 win while Henry sat on the pine was almost good enough.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Day 6: Swiss Horn
When I first heard the headline "Massive Swiss Boilover" I thought that there had been some horrendous fondue accident, and was bracing myself for graphic footage of ledehosen-clad folk being wheeled into casualty with severe burns caused by over-heated gruyere...
It was someting of a let-down to find instead that a bunch of watch-makers had defeated my third-favourite team in this World Cup.
Even without their llama-sponsoring talisman, the bell-ringers somehow found a way to hold Torres, Villa, Alonso, Xabi et al scoreless, and managed to scamble one of the ugliest goals in World Cup history to take a 1-0 victory.
I guess my mate was correct when he said the The Swiss were destined for great things...
It was someting of a let-down to find instead that a bunch of watch-makers had defeated my third-favourite team in this World Cup.
Even without their llama-sponsoring talisman, the bell-ringers somehow found a way to hold Torres, Villa, Alonso, Xabi et al scoreless, and managed to scamble one of the ugliest goals in World Cup history to take a 1-0 victory.
I guess my mate was correct when he said the The Swiss were destined for great things...
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Day 5: Slinging Mud Across The Ditch
A football war to rival the 1969 Honduras-El Salvador conflict is potentially on the cards due to some poor sub-editing at the SMH.
Yes, it was a bit cheeky to try and claim the All Whites' hard-earned and well-deserved point for "Australasia" (which incidentally is not a FIFA confederation anyway), but the backlash from over the ditch is extraordinary.
But we are not envious. We do not fear that they will outshine us. Quite the opposite. It has proven something that we have been arguing for a long-time - that football in this corner of the globe is remarkably strong, despite the complete lack of respect that FIFA has shown it over the years - the same lack of recognition that drove Australia seek inclusion in the Asian confederation.
So, in fact, Australia has treated the result in much the same way an older brother would if a younger sibling told the head-master to f**k off!
Amused, and somewhat proud.
And there is another reason we should celebrate!
The result potentially becomes New Zealand's greatest sporting acheivement, and if it does, then perhaps we will no longer have to hear how many Bledisloe Cups they have won. Perhaps now they wil move on from the 1985/86 Trans-Tasman test series when Hadlee smashed our weakened team. Perhaps they will even let go of their triumph in the 2003 Netball World Championships.
Perhaps.
Yes, it was a bit cheeky to try and claim the All Whites' hard-earned and well-deserved point for "Australasia" (which incidentally is not a FIFA confederation anyway), but the backlash from over the ditch is extraordinary.
But we are not envious. We do not fear that they will outshine us. Quite the opposite. It has proven something that we have been arguing for a long-time - that football in this corner of the globe is remarkably strong, despite the complete lack of respect that FIFA has shown it over the years - the same lack of recognition that drove Australia seek inclusion in the Asian confederation.
So, in fact, Australia has treated the result in much the same way an older brother would if a younger sibling told the head-master to f**k off!
Amused, and somewhat proud.
And there is another reason we should celebrate!
The result potentially becomes New Zealand's greatest sporting acheivement, and if it does, then perhaps we will no longer have to hear how many Bledisloe Cups they have won. Perhaps now they wil move on from the 1985/86 Trans-Tasman test series when Hadlee smashed our weakened team. Perhaps they will even let go of their triumph in the 2003 Netball World Championships.
Perhaps.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Day 4: Cameruined
A fantastic result for Australian football overnight with Japan defeating Cameroon.
Why?
Well, given that the 2014 WC is scheduled to take place in Brazil, this means the play-off place afforded to the 5th-placed CONMEBOL nation will probably be re-allocated.
Africa have six entrants at this tournament, but will of course lose the host-nation spot. Blatter clearly likes his football the same way he has his coffee, so the tendency might be to simply swap that spot with South America's play-off berth, but a poor tournament for African nations might see him think differently.
And when you look at the draw to see Ivory Coast and Ghana in such tough groups, and Cameroon, Nigeria and Algeria having already lost, then Japan and South Korea's success could perhaps see Asia awarded the additional half-place, meaning five spots in our own right. And that can only be good!
So, Hosts 1: Europe 13, Africa 5, Asia 5, South America 4, CONCACAF/Oceania 4.
It makes sense.
Forza Japan!
Why?
Well, given that the 2014 WC is scheduled to take place in Brazil, this means the play-off place afforded to the 5th-placed CONMEBOL nation will probably be re-allocated.
Africa have six entrants at this tournament, but will of course lose the host-nation spot. Blatter clearly likes his football the same way he has his coffee, so the tendency might be to simply swap that spot with South America's play-off berth, but a poor tournament for African nations might see him think differently.
And when you look at the draw to see Ivory Coast and Ghana in such tough groups, and Cameroon, Nigeria and Algeria having already lost, then Japan and South Korea's success could perhaps see Asia awarded the additional half-place, meaning five spots in our own right. And that can only be good!
So, Hosts 1: Europe 13, Africa 5, Asia 5, South America 4, CONCACAF/Oceania 4.
It makes sense.
Forza Japan!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Day 3: Mein Bandwagen Ist Kaput!
Well, after a performance like that it would be easy to blame the coach. It would be easy to blame the referee. It would be easy to blame the ball. It would even be easy to blame the vuvuzela trumpets.
But I blame the media.
Not for the loss, but for the over-ambitious expectations they foisted upon the team. This is not cricket. This is not swimming. It is not rugby union, or even rugby league. It is more like the winter olympics, where we can only triumph if our more favoured opponents fall.
But for the benefit of the bandwagon, here is some perspective...
We have played in three World Cups. Germany have won three World Cups.
We have scored 5 goals in those three tournaments. Miroslav Klose scored that many alone in the last World Cup. He also scored five in the previous tournament without even using his feet!
We were never going to win. It was simply an exercise in damage limitation. Verbeek was correct not to use Kewell. Perhaps Kennedy should have been tried, but I liked the Garcia experiment, and once Cahill got that card then Pim needed to save the forwards for the Ghana game. In my mind the only doubtful call was the decision to play the offside trap. Extremely doubtful. In fact, just plain stupid.
But if you saw any of the coverage in the mainstream media tonight you'd have thought we were favourites for the tournament before this embarassment. The clueless coverage today has done nothing but erode the support and goodwill for the players and staff at exactly the time they need it most.
Quite simply the two games that mattered most were against Ghana and Serbia. Those two games are still to come.
Nothing has changed.
Except we don't have Cahill for the next game.
I blame the referee.
But I blame the media.
Not for the loss, but for the over-ambitious expectations they foisted upon the team. This is not cricket. This is not swimming. It is not rugby union, or even rugby league. It is more like the winter olympics, where we can only triumph if our more favoured opponents fall.
But for the benefit of the bandwagon, here is some perspective...
We have played in three World Cups. Germany have won three World Cups.
We have scored 5 goals in those three tournaments. Miroslav Klose scored that many alone in the last World Cup. He also scored five in the previous tournament without even using his feet!
We were never going to win. It was simply an exercise in damage limitation. Verbeek was correct not to use Kewell. Perhaps Kennedy should have been tried, but I liked the Garcia experiment, and once Cahill got that card then Pim needed to save the forwards for the Ghana game. In my mind the only doubtful call was the decision to play the offside trap. Extremely doubtful. In fact, just plain stupid.
But if you saw any of the coverage in the mainstream media tonight you'd have thought we were favourites for the tournament before this embarassment. The clueless coverage today has done nothing but erode the support and goodwill for the players and staff at exactly the time they need it most.
Quite simply the two games that mattered most were against Ghana and Serbia. Those two games are still to come.
Nothing has changed.
Except we don't have Cahill for the next game.
I blame the referee.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Day 2: A Good Harte These Days Is Hard To Find
If you've been reading the English papers you might have the impression that Fabio Capello is spoilt for choice when it comes to selecting the English keeper. That is until you realise that one of the three candidates is David James. Well, the field got narrowed further still last night with the worst display of public ball-handling since the death of Michael Jackson.
Poor old Rob Green (or "Rob Green, useless f**ker", depending on who you speak with)has provided the internet community with the ultimate Epic Goalkeeper Fail. So, clearly the job belongs to Joe Harte. Not only does he appear to have innate positional sense, fantastic agility and eyes in the back of his head, he also plays his club football at Man City, so would be accustomed to disappointment. Perfect.
Poor old Rob Green (or "Rob Green, useless f**ker", depending on who you speak with)has provided the internet community with the ultimate Epic Goalkeeper Fail. So, clearly the job belongs to Joe Harte. Not only does he appear to have innate positional sense, fantastic agility and eyes in the back of his head, he also plays his club football at Man City, so would be accustomed to disappointment. Perfect.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Day 1: French, Horns and Dung Beetles
If the researchers at Macquarie's are doing their job properly, when you look up "irony" in next year's dictionary there should be a photo of Thierry Henry appealing for a handball in the game against Uruguay.
Also, if you look up "lucky to still be in the game" you should see the first 20 minutes of the Mexico v South Africa match.
And, should you be inclined to turn to "really fucking annoying noise" you will see a picture of a vuvuzela trumpet.
So, on a day with two draws, aside from a few nice moments and a cracking goal in the RSA v MEX game, the undoubted highlight was the opening ceremony. And specifically, the part when the giant dung beetle rolled the Jabulani ball away... I'm not sure that the brand and image people at adidas would have been all that happy with the message that conveyed, but it had me chuckling.
And any ceremony which incorporates "The Final Countdown" is a winner in my book.
Ten out of ten for South Africa.
Also, if you look up "lucky to still be in the game" you should see the first 20 minutes of the Mexico v South Africa match.
And, should you be inclined to turn to "really fucking annoying noise" you will see a picture of a vuvuzela trumpet.
So, on a day with two draws, aside from a few nice moments and a cracking goal in the RSA v MEX game, the undoubted highlight was the opening ceremony. And specifically, the part when the giant dung beetle rolled the Jabulani ball away... I'm not sure that the brand and image people at adidas would have been all that happy with the message that conveyed, but it had me chuckling.
And any ceremony which incorporates "The Final Countdown" is a winner in my book.
Ten out of ten for South Africa.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Preview: Group H - Hands, Hands, Hands and Hans
Honduras - Chile - Spain - Switzerland
What a group! Latino passion a-plenty! Imagine the gesticulations. More hand-waving than an Italian traffic-cop convention. All FIFA need to do is throw a Mexican ref into the mix and watch as the fireworks begin. I've scoured all the betting sites to see if I can bet on the group which will produce the most cards, sending-offs or penalties, but to no avail. I guess they closed the books on that as soon as they saw this group drawn from the pots last December.
But really, it does promise some fantastic games. I saw Honduras play some games in the 2000 Olympics, and presumably some of the youngsters on display then have made their way into the 2010 WC squad. They go alright - don't underestimate them.
Chile don't have a Cabanas or Zamorano but should still provide some flair, and of course Spain with their stellar outfit should produce some magical football.
As for the Swiss, I have no idea. I lost interest when Chapuisat retired. I'm not even sure if Hans is a Swiss name, but it served a purpose for the title of this post. They bored me in the World Cups of 1994 and 2006, and the Euros of '96, '04 and '08. Prove me wrong cheese-makers!
What a group! Latino passion a-plenty! Imagine the gesticulations. More hand-waving than an Italian traffic-cop convention. All FIFA need to do is throw a Mexican ref into the mix and watch as the fireworks begin. I've scoured all the betting sites to see if I can bet on the group which will produce the most cards, sending-offs or penalties, but to no avail. I guess they closed the books on that as soon as they saw this group drawn from the pots last December.
But really, it does promise some fantastic games. I saw Honduras play some games in the 2000 Olympics, and presumably some of the youngsters on display then have made their way into the 2010 WC squad. They go alright - don't underestimate them.
Chile don't have a Cabanas or Zamorano but should still provide some flair, and of course Spain with their stellar outfit should produce some magical football.
As for the Swiss, I have no idea. I lost interest when Chapuisat retired. I'm not even sure if Hans is a Swiss name, but it served a purpose for the title of this post. They bored me in the World Cups of 1994 and 2006, and the Euros of '96, '04 and '08. Prove me wrong cheese-makers!
Preview: Group G - Sons of Beaches
Brazil - Portugal - Cote D'Iviore - PDR Korea
This is going to be a popular group for those who like to admire bulging biceps, muscular thighs and men of a darker complexion. And with North Korea in the group, it might also prove popular for those who enjoy gratuitous displays of military strength. Speaking of concealed missiles check this out.
Ah, God bless YouTube! Providing material for struggling bloggers since 2003.
This group poses plenty of questions though. Just who will progress? Will it be a goal-fest? Will Drogba play? How many times will Ronaldo cry?
But the question I really want answered is why the Ivory Coast are listed in all official FIFA channels as Cote d'Iviore?
Some have suggested it is because that is how they refer to themselves. That may be so, but then why are we not "Ostraya"? Why are the US not listed as "Defenders of the Democratic West" and why are England not listed as "Those F**king Useless Overpaid C**ts!"
Why indeed.
This is going to be a popular group for those who like to admire bulging biceps, muscular thighs and men of a darker complexion. And with North Korea in the group, it might also prove popular for those who enjoy gratuitous displays of military strength. Speaking of concealed missiles check this out.
Ah, God bless YouTube! Providing material for struggling bloggers since 2003.
This group poses plenty of questions though. Just who will progress? Will it be a goal-fest? Will Drogba play? How many times will Ronaldo cry?
But the question I really want answered is why the Ivory Coast are listed in all official FIFA channels as Cote d'Iviore?
Some have suggested it is because that is how they refer to themselves. That may be so, but then why are we not "Ostraya"? Why are the US not listed as "Defenders of the Democratic West" and why are England not listed as "Those F**king Useless Overpaid C**ts!"
Why indeed.
Preview: Group F - All White Riot!
Italy - Slovakia - New Zealand - Paraguay
This group is all about New Zealand. Someone pointed out to me that having a team named the All Whites involved in a tournament in South Africa was perhaps a touch culturally insensitive. But that is nothing compared to their badminton team. They were once called the Black Cocks. I wonder how they would have gone down.
But that is exactly what I love about the Kiwis. They don't bow to convention. The fact that no-one knows the first thing about them will work in their favour. So will the fact they play three genuine forwards and run all game. I saw their games against Bahrain, and I saw them live as they showed the Socceroos a beginners guide to football at the MCG last month. They will go OK. Get on board - it will be a riot.
As for who will finish second, well I guess it will be Italy with their obligatory combination of off-field drama and on field cynicism. Paraguay may have topped South American qualifying, but they have a poor record at finals, and their leading goal-scorer now has a bullet in his head. And Slovakia...? Well, I've never seen them play... Have you?
No, didn't think so...
This group is all about New Zealand. Someone pointed out to me that having a team named the All Whites involved in a tournament in South Africa was perhaps a touch culturally insensitive. But that is nothing compared to their badminton team. They were once called the Black Cocks. I wonder how they would have gone down.
But that is exactly what I love about the Kiwis. They don't bow to convention. The fact that no-one knows the first thing about them will work in their favour. So will the fact they play three genuine forwards and run all game. I saw their games against Bahrain, and I saw them live as they showed the Socceroos a beginners guide to football at the MCG last month. They will go OK. Get on board - it will be a riot.
As for who will finish second, well I guess it will be Italy with their obligatory combination of off-field drama and on field cynicism. Paraguay may have topped South American qualifying, but they have a poor record at finals, and their leading goal-scorer now has a bullet in his head. And Slovakia...? Well, I've never seen them play... Have you?
No, didn't think so...
Preview: Group E - Going Dutch
Netherlands - Denmark - Japan - Cameroon
Firstly, how the hell do Cameroon keep qualifying for the World Cup? Aside from Omam-Biyick and Roger Milla at Italia '90 I can't recall one noteworthy performance from them aside from Salenko banging in 5 against them at USA'94.
And Japan, well, the other day they scored three goals against England, but still lost 3-1. I can't see them going far.
So, that really just leaves the Danes to progress along with the Dutch who will waltz though the group.
Firstly, how the hell do Cameroon keep qualifying for the World Cup? Aside from Omam-Biyick and Roger Milla at Italia '90 I can't recall one noteworthy performance from them aside from Salenko banging in 5 against them at USA'94.
And Japan, well, the other day they scored three goals against England, but still lost 3-1. I can't see them going far.
So, that really just leaves the Danes to progress along with the Dutch who will waltz though the group.
Preview: Group D - We're Not In Kansas Anymore
Germany - Australia - Serbia - Ghana
I'm not going to provide a preview on this group, as there has already been more than enough material written on Australia's prospects and those of their opponents.
Instead, here is some footage of Australia's halcyon days. Make the most of it...
I'm not going to provide a preview on this group, as there has already been more than enough material written on Australia's prospects and those of their opponents.
Instead, here is some footage of Australia's halcyon days. Make the most of it...
Preview: Group C - England's Dreaming
England - USA - Algeria - Slovenia
Now, some would have you believe that England have been drawn into the easiest group in this tournament.
But not me.
England have in fact been drawn into the easiest group of any tournament ever! Not since Israel's qualification to the 1958 World Cup (look it up) has there been such a seemingly effortless path laid out for a team. So just how sweet would it be if they were to cruise through the group, only to then meet Germany in the Round of 16?
Of course it might not come to that. In fact the lure of an England v USA fixture might just be too much for a budding pro-Al Qaeda sympathiser to resist...
It's almost too much for me!
But, barring random acts of terrorism you'd expect the English to progress easily. The fact that Rio Ferdinand will not be there just makes that job easier. Maybe he should have stuck with his budding acting/singing career. Stupid bastard.
As for second place, well I sure hope it isn't the Americans. Maybe Algeria would be a chance had they not persecuted their own population to such an extent that they all went off and won a World Cup for France instead.
Slovenia?
Exactly.
Now, some would have you believe that England have been drawn into the easiest group in this tournament.
But not me.
England have in fact been drawn into the easiest group of any tournament ever! Not since Israel's qualification to the 1958 World Cup (look it up) has there been such a seemingly effortless path laid out for a team. So just how sweet would it be if they were to cruise through the group, only to then meet Germany in the Round of 16?
Of course it might not come to that. In fact the lure of an England v USA fixture might just be too much for a budding pro-Al Qaeda sympathiser to resist...
It's almost too much for me!
But, barring random acts of terrorism you'd expect the English to progress easily. The fact that Rio Ferdinand will not be there just makes that job easier. Maybe he should have stuck with his budding acting/singing career. Stupid bastard.
As for second place, well I sure hope it isn't the Americans. Maybe Algeria would be a chance had they not persecuted their own population to such an extent that they all went off and won a World Cup for France instead.
Slovenia?
Exactly.
Preview: Group B - Getting Messi
Argentina - Greece - South Korea - Nigeria
Three of these teams (Argentina, Greece and Nigeria) were grouped together back in USA '94. In those days, Maradonna was on drugs, Nigeria were the flagship for the emerging footballing force of the dark continent, and jokes about the Greeks opening a kebab-shop everytime they had a corner were still considered hilarious.
So what has changed since then?
Well, frankly not much.
Diego is quite obviously still on drugs, although given his ever-diminishing stature it seems his drug of choice might be the same substance that was in the cake that Alice ate after she fell down the rabbit hole. I recently purchased a Subbuteo set featuring the Argentine national team, and the little maestro's figure was the only one not marked as "not actual size". True story!
Nigeria have effectively done nothing at senior level and to be honest are something of a rabble now, and while the Greeks somehow pulled off the Euro '04 title, having 11 men sweeping up is not an effective way to run a yiros shop. You have to have someone up front applying the garlic sauce!
This group will be won easily by Argentina because they have Lionel Messi and the other teams don't. I'm predicting that South Korea will finish second simply because the other two teams are not up to much.
Three of these teams (Argentina, Greece and Nigeria) were grouped together back in USA '94. In those days, Maradonna was on drugs, Nigeria were the flagship for the emerging footballing force of the dark continent, and jokes about the Greeks opening a kebab-shop everytime they had a corner were still considered hilarious.
So what has changed since then?
Well, frankly not much.
Diego is quite obviously still on drugs, although given his ever-diminishing stature it seems his drug of choice might be the same substance that was in the cake that Alice ate after she fell down the rabbit hole. I recently purchased a Subbuteo set featuring the Argentine national team, and the little maestro's figure was the only one not marked as "not actual size". True story!
Nigeria have effectively done nothing at senior level and to be honest are something of a rabble now, and while the Greeks somehow pulled off the Euro '04 title, having 11 men sweeping up is not an effective way to run a yiros shop. You have to have someone up front applying the garlic sauce!
This group will be won easily by Argentina because they have Lionel Messi and the other teams don't. I'm predicting that South Korea will finish second simply because the other two teams are not up to much.
Preview: Group A - Two Free Passes
South Africa - Mexico - France - Uruguay
First of all, let me lay my cards on the table. The fact that this World Cup is being hosted by South Africa stinks. The fact that a nation with a history of institutionalised racism has been rewarded over the past 15 years with the rugby, cricket and now football World Cups simply for dispensing with apartheid is hardly a convincing argument in favour of democracy and racial equality is it? No wonder there is an upsurge in extreme right-wing sentiment across the globe. It is a free pass for hosting rights for major sporting events. If only we'd re-elected Howard in 2007, then the 2022 World Cup wouldn't be such a pie-in-the-sky dream.
I abhor racial discrimination and cultural stereotyping in all its forms, and as such I hope the sombrero-wearing burrito-eaters do a number on the Rainbow Nation. I have always liked Mexico and they have a good record in the early stages of World Cups, and the fact that South Africa are also not very good will help considerably in this regard, irrespective of 60,000 vuvuzela horns.
As for the French, well... They qualified courtesy of Thierry Henry's handball, and as such their entire team must be judged on the basis that one of their players is a dirty cheat. They will no doubt do what France always do - fail to impress, but somehow escape the group and progress to the latter stages of the tournament. There will be talk about their ineffectual manager, and of course this time they will be without Zidane, but somehow they will create enough scoring chances for Ribery and Anelka and will top the group. Everyone will cheer loudly when they are ultimately eliminated.
The second place in the group I think will be a battle between Mexico and Uruguay. Mexico will win this battle, but I should point out that this assessment is made with guidance from Homer Simpson's immortal words...
First of all, let me lay my cards on the table. The fact that this World Cup is being hosted by South Africa stinks. The fact that a nation with a history of institutionalised racism has been rewarded over the past 15 years with the rugby, cricket and now football World Cups simply for dispensing with apartheid is hardly a convincing argument in favour of democracy and racial equality is it? No wonder there is an upsurge in extreme right-wing sentiment across the globe. It is a free pass for hosting rights for major sporting events. If only we'd re-elected Howard in 2007, then the 2022 World Cup wouldn't be such a pie-in-the-sky dream.
I abhor racial discrimination and cultural stereotyping in all its forms, and as such I hope the sombrero-wearing burrito-eaters do a number on the Rainbow Nation. I have always liked Mexico and they have a good record in the early stages of World Cups, and the fact that South Africa are also not very good will help considerably in this regard, irrespective of 60,000 vuvuzela horns.
As for the French, well... They qualified courtesy of Thierry Henry's handball, and as such their entire team must be judged on the basis that one of their players is a dirty cheat. They will no doubt do what France always do - fail to impress, but somehow escape the group and progress to the latter stages of the tournament. There will be talk about their ineffectual manager, and of course this time they will be without Zidane, but somehow they will create enough scoring chances for Ribery and Anelka and will top the group. Everyone will cheer loudly when they are ultimately eliminated.
The second place in the group I think will be a battle between Mexico and Uruguay. Mexico will win this battle, but I should point out that this assessment is made with guidance from Homer Simpson's immortal words...
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Obligatory Justification Exercise
Starting a new blog is painfully hard. You feel a need to somehow justify why you would waste so much of your time writing opinionated drivel for the handful of readers who have actually bothered to access the link you forwarded to them. You feel compelled to explain the topics or issues that you are likely to write about, and how your poorly formed prose full of grammatical retardation is in fact a demonstration of your razor-sharp wit and general superiority over all other writers. In short, writing a blog is the literary equivalent of having a wank.
I'd like to suggest that this blog will be different. But I fear that it wont.
So, I wont waste time on any of that. Suffice to say that this is a blog about football. More specifically, it is a blog about the 2010 FIFA World Cup. More specifically still, it is a blog containing my observations and opinions on this month-long footballing extravaganza. I intend to watch every game, in full, and then post my random musings here...
So, read on... If you like it then keep reading. If you don't, then don't feel obliged to keep coming back here. No-one is paying me to write it, so I'm pretty darn sure that no-one is paying you to read it. Go outside. Paint a picture. Ring your parents and say hello.
Or simply post your abusive feedback via the comments link provided by those good, good people at blogger...
I'd like to suggest that this blog will be different. But I fear that it wont.
So, I wont waste time on any of that. Suffice to say that this is a blog about football. More specifically, it is a blog about the 2010 FIFA World Cup. More specifically still, it is a blog containing my observations and opinions on this month-long footballing extravaganza. I intend to watch every game, in full, and then post my random musings here...
So, read on... If you like it then keep reading. If you don't, then don't feel obliged to keep coming back here. No-one is paying me to write it, so I'm pretty darn sure that no-one is paying you to read it. Go outside. Paint a picture. Ring your parents and say hello.
Or simply post your abusive feedback via the comments link provided by those good, good people at blogger...
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